Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
