I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
