If that was your dad, he is hot
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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