I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
