wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
