So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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