i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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