I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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