Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
