dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
