What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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