So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Can I color on your dick again?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
