I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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