Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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