when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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