I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
