I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
