I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
In America we eat man semen.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
