today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
