I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
