Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
