The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
