I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
