Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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