Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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