Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
