You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
