is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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