Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was born a porn star she said
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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