Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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