I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
