I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
