i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
