Plan B is the new Plan A
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
did i walk over a car last night?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
