if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
