I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just had sex on a roof
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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