just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
