i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
