the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
