I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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