Barsexuality is the new black.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I am one with the molecules
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
