I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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