I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
