dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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