I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
