Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
