I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
