I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
