I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
