I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
