Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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