Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
