first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
