Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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