I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
they're like a gay fantastic four
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
