We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
