we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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