i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
