explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We need to get me chipped asap
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize