he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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