You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
