Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
