took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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