We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
