Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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