You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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