We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
