i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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