SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize