The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
