I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
