so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
