I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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