I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
